she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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