Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
