Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
try to milk me bitch
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
