it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
