Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
