You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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