i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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