he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
