I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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