All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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