awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
