sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
