yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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