Everything about him screamed your future.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
