I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
