I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
