dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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