just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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