If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
