found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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