addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
