And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
