it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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