You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
