he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
