I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
