She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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