You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
