just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
