So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
