ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
