Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
