anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
