can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
