My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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