well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
