Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I understand Curling. That high.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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