It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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