I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
