I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
