considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
