a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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