Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
