I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
