Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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