i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
