Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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