WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
