I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
