Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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