At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
