dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
