I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
3pm strippers are depressing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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